


Sunburn

by arynna



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, F/F, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-30
Updated: 2015-09-30
Packaged: 2018-04-24 04:30:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4905514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arynna/pseuds/arynna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Laura Hollis knows that Danny Lawrence is her own personal sunlight.</p><p>That is, until the darkness creeps in on the blade of a coward's knife. </p><p>To truly be a hero, you must first know suffering.</p><p>TW: Suicidal thoughts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sunburn

Everything happens faster than Laura thought possible. She flushes, anger causing her face to heat as though she has a sunburn. The feeling is quickly replaced with dread.

Ice floods her veins as she hears Danny cough, catching her as she stumbles.

Summer was always guarded in the Hollis household. Enough life-preservers for ten other children, bear spray, flares, space blankets...Nothing was too intense for her father. Still, she recalled the feeling of the sun beating down on her as she sunbathed in the rare moments she managed to escape her father’s watchful eye. When he eventually caught her, the lecture she’d gotten on the receding ozone layer, skin cancer, and the dangers of heat stroke bored her to tears.

She loved the feeling of the sun on her shoulders as she’d break the surface of the lake after a dive. The moment between being engulfed in cool, clear water then facing blistering sun was like no other. Danny reminded her of that feeling. Heat, fire, warmth after moments spent in the cold, sounds and color muted.

Now, time slogs. Danny is colder in her arms by the minute, the sounds around her as distorted as being underwater. She catches bits and pieces of Kirsch and Theo’s exchange, focused on gently stroking Danny’s arm as she stares down at her. She knows Danny doesn’t have much time left. The realization stops her breath, all she can do is stare into Danny’s eyes, memorizing the vivid red of her hair.

_“I’m not afraid. I’m not--”_

There is no sunlight. There is no more warmth. When Mel moves to take Danny’s body, Laura recoils. Danny was the sun. She was hope, strength, kindness, fire, light, and virtue.

Now, there is nothing left but dread.

It weighs her down as surely as if she was drowning in that Summer lake as her father had preached she might. Laura realizes she would much rather be dead then to be alive at this moment.

Carmilla hates her. Danny is dead. They have lost the battle. She has killed Carmilla’s family, failed Danny--there is nothing left.

The sun does not shine for Laura Hollis any longer. As she lets go of Danny’s now cold corpse, she struggles to hold onto her sanity as though fighting against the shifting tide. No-one can hold out forever.

She lets herself drift, pleading silently to drown in these feelings threatening to overtake her. She knows Silas is thousands of miles away from the lakes of her childhood. She can’t find the energy to care.

_“It doesn’t matter, Danny’s dead.”_

None of it matters. As she says this, Danny's death becomes final, despite how hard she had attempted to pretend otherwise.

She knows she will have to stand at Danny’s funeral pyre. The heat of the flames a paltry comparison to how Danny used to make her feel.

No fire, no blazing ray of light was ever going to be enough. She was never going to be warm again.

Theo keeps his promise.

Laura does not look away from the pyre, despite the smoke-filled haze blurring her vision.

She should have listened to Carmilla. She should have done anything else. It wasn’t worth it.

The Zetas add insult to injury when they circle the pyre with buckets of frigid water. Laura backs so close to the flames she surprises them. Her arms spread wide, warmth spreading to her fingers as she protects Danny’s pyre from their cruelty.

She takes one more step back, just enough to singe the tip of one finger. She wonders how it would feel to burn. If that would be a penance to all of the people she has failed.

She doesn’t let Danny’s pyre consume her.

She knows that Danny would want her to live. Though what for is beyond her.

As the last ember goes out, Laura grabs a handful of Danny’s ashes. They burn her hands, and she nearly drops them. She bites back a scream, placing them into the small metal box she’d carried with her. The jeers of the Zetas follow her.

_“You’re next, Hollis! What are you going to do with what’s left of her, anyway?!”_

_“I’m taking her home.”_ Laura vows to find a way to mail Danny’s ashes to her family, if she survives.

She manages to hide the ashes in one of the many cubbies present in the Dean’s vast apartment, vowing to make necklaces for herself and Kirsch. Someday.

She wonders if Carmilla is still alive. As Vordenberg announces her execution, she fights the urge to scream. Another death on her hands.

Laura vows to save Carmilla from her fate, even if she has to do it alone.

It’s what Danny would have done. Even though she hated Carmilla for...A lot of things. Things that rip through her chest like the fires of Danny’s pyre have come home to roost in her skin.

Danny was a hero. It’s well past the time Laura was Carmilla’s savior, rather than waiting for Carmilla or Danny to be hers.

There is no good deed ever done, nor a hero that has ever rescued, championed, or sacrificed without having lost something dear to them. The world is not black and white. Laura understands this better, now--That good cannot just _be_ without having experienced the pain that comes with loss.

Perhaps in a desperate attempt to save Carmilla from an unjust execution at the hands of Vordenberg, Laura will find the strength to save herself as well.

_Time to girl the hell up._


End file.
